Duck Season

From a PETA press release:

I am writing with regard to the unfortunate events of July 9, when Pittsburgh Pirate Randall Simon viciously attacked the "Italian Sausage" participant in Miller Park’s famous "Sausage Race." We at PETA feel that now would be a perfect time for you to take us up on our suggestion from last year: You should include a vegan "soysage" in the big race.

Violence seems to be everywhere in baseball these days: Fans are attacking players and umpires in the field, Pedro Martinez "beaned" two Yankees in a row, the Reds are fighting everyone in sight, and now this. Something must be done. What better way is there to set a good example for the rest of the baseball community than by allowing a nonviolent "soysage" to participate in the Sausage Race? By rejecting the castration, dehorning, debeaking, wing-breaking, and throat-slitting that are part and parcel of the meat industry, you can send a powerful message that violence will not be tolerated in baseball—on the field or in the slaughterhouse.

Miller Park already offers veggie hot dogs in the stands—in fact, PETA named Miller Park one of the Top 10 Veg-Friendly Ballparks in our annual list this year. Why allow veggie dogs into the ballpark but then exclude them from the race? Perhaps Randall Simon was simply expressing his frustration at the fact that the vegetarian hot dog was not allowed to compete. By allowing the peaceful "soysage" in the race, you could possibly avoid future player-meat confrontations.

Michele Catalano at A Small Victory is all over their case:

Honestly, I have no idea what to do with these people anymore. I have run out of snarky comments and sarcastic quips for PETA. They are just out of their fucking minds.

I wish I had seen this sooner, then I would have known that PETA was staging a protest not too far from my home today. I would have picked up a couple of hunks of salami and drove down there, where I would have my kids throw the salami out of the car window and at the protesters, screaming IF MEAT IS MURDER THAN MURDER SURE TASTES GOOD WITH MUSTARD!