Saturday, December 27, 2003

2004 predictions 

Made some predictions for Michele's contest, so might as well post them here as well:

John Kerry will change his position on the Iraq war 3 more times. Dean will try to get votes from the South by saying he wants to appeal to people who eat roadkill. Dick Gephardt drops out after Barbara Streisand endorses "Dick Gebhardt". Wesley Clark will claim that he is a fan of all 30 NFL teams, as well as every team in the CFL, NFL Europe, the Arena League, and the USFL, until he is told they don't exist anymore. Everyone ignores Joe Lieberman, again. Al Sharpton credibly argues that he is the most qualify Democrat in the race.

Republicans stop trying to put Reagan on the dime after drug dealers start selling "Reagan bags".

Osama bin Laden is captured; Democrats complain that Bush hasn't found Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson's killer yet.

In a shocking move, Canada announces that it is closing its southern border after thousands of Dean voters follow their vow to move to Canada if Bush wins.

The Red Sox will finally trade for A-Rod--after the 2004 season ends.

The NHL locks out its players; nobody notices, except for Canadians, who'll blame Bush.

Every team that wins the championship will complain about "getting no respect".

The person appearing on the cover of the next Madden game will be ... John Madden, after every football player in the league decline, citing the "Madden jinx".

Millions of men will go into a simultaneous daze when they watch the first week of Monday Night Football and are shocked the new female sideline reporter, Suzy Kolber, knows what she is talking about.

The Knicks, Bruins, Cardinals (football), and Brewers still suck.

In a backlash against tidy, well-groomed men on Queer Eye, Saddam Hussein appears on People's list of the 50 most beautiful people of 2004.

Jessica Simpson joins Mensa after they lowered their standards, but they will still reject Ashton Kutcher.

Michael Jackson will join forces with Pat Buchanan, and they'll claim that Jacko was a victim of "reverse discrimination".

Matt Drudge will make thousands of people the first winners in their dead pool when Bill O'Reilly actually kills him.

Following a Simpsons prediction, Fox will finally become a full-fledged hardcore pornography channel.

Economy goes into downward spiral--only one company makes its projected Christmas sales after every person in America buys the first season Seinfeld DVD in December and stays home watching it for the next 30 days.

Teens accuse MTV of "selling out" after they start playing actual music videos again.

A politician will be forced to resign when it is discovered that he owns a copy of the Dead or Alive beach volleyball video game.

Glenn Reynolds will say "Indeed" 847 times.

Andrew Sullivan will ask for money 847 times.

A left-wing blog will past Instapundit in the Ecosystem for a week when it promises to show a live ritual sacrifice to prevent Bush from winning.

After a post by Michele Catalano, there will be a topic in the Democratic Underground debating whether she is worse than Satan. Many people stick up for Satan.
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